In 2016, my spouse and I were driving to drop our daughter off at my in-laws for the weekend. On our way back home, he stated flatly, "I want a divorce." I didn't fully hear the words or maybe I didn't want to hear the words, I honestly don't remember. That day simply became one blur. At first, I thought he was joking or I might have misunderstood, but he kept repeating the same words over and over, "I want a divorce..."
I was devastated. I felt alone. I didn't know who to turn to. And I was at the lowest point of my life. Nearly 2 years before my ex filed for divorce, I was diagnosed with venous thromboembolism (VTE) - a combination of both deep vein thrombosis (DVT) and pulmonary embolism (PE). And over those 2 years, I underwent multiple surgeries.
And right when he told me was around the same time I needed another major surgery due to continuous pain and blood circulation difficulty I felt in my right leg from having May-Thurner Syndrome and Post Thrombotic Syndrome.
Overtime, my sadness turned to anger. I couldn't believe he would do this to me at a time I needed him the most.
What was going to happen without my insurance? How was I going to get the surgery? Where was I going to live? So many questions circled around in my mind, not knowing what I was going to do at the moment.
Looking back, it was hard. I had a lot of bad days. And you may be going through the same rollercoaster of emotions I was going through, and I want you to know that life does get better during and after divorce. It may not seem like it right now, and that's okay. Let those emotions flow and don't suppress how you feel.
Here are 10 reasons why I think life can get better after divorce:
Personal Growth: Going through a divorce often leads to self-discovery and personal growth. It's an opportunity to redefine oneself, set new goals, and embrace a journey of self-improvement. Look into creating a vision board for yourself. It doesn't have to be perfect, but something that shows what you want to do for you.
2. Freedom to Choose: After divorce, individuals have the freedom to make choices that align with their own values and preferences without compromising for the sake of the relationship. After 10 years of marriage, I suddenly could make dinner plans with friends without checking in with my partner and at first, it felt weird, but overtime, it became exhilarating and having the choice to do what I want at any point in my life.
3. New Beginnings: Divorce marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. It's a chance to start anew, create fresh goals, and pursue dreams that may have been put on hold. Remember, the vision board I mentioned in #1?
4. Improved Mental Health: Leaving a toxic or unfulfilling relationship can lead to improved mental health. The removal of stressors and conflicts may contribute to a more positive and stable emotional well-being. Get a therapist early on. I was able to offload a lot of my feelings to a professional and while friends and family are great to help you during the divorce process, a professional therapist can uncover areas you may not have even thought about and help you on your journey to recovery.
5. Focus on Individual Well-Being: Divorce allows individuals to focus on their own well-being, whether it's through adopting a healthier lifestyle, pursuing hobbies, or investing time in self-care. Join a gym, pursue pickleball, whatever you have been thinking about doing, start now.
6. Stronger Support Networks: Building a network of friends and family who truly support and understand can be a positive outcome of divorce. These relationships can provide crucial emotional support during challenging times. You may realize that not all of your friends and family are supportive of your decision and that is okay! Don't let negativity get in the way of your healing process and if you need to lessen your time around those that are not as supportive of your decisions, that is okay. Do what makes you happy.
7. Career Opportunities: With the freedom to make career decisions independently, divorced individuals may find new professional opportunities, pursue further education, or embark on a career change that aligns better with their goals. When I was going through my divorce, I changed my career and I don't know if I would have had the guts to do if I remained married.
Now is your time to shine and do what makes you happy!
8. Rediscovery of Passions: Divorce can provide the time and space to rediscover and indulge in personal passions and interests that may have been neglected during the marriage.
Take up painting, singing, playing piano, whatever you've wanted to do - now is the time!
9. Peaceful Environment: For those leaving a tumultuous relationship, divorce can bring a sense of peace and tranquility, creating a more stable and harmonious living environment. My home went from arguing every day to none at all. It helped bring such a positive energy into my home.
10. Chance for True Love: Divorce can open the door to finding a more compatible and fulfilling romantic relationship, allowing individuals to experience true love and companionship. Right now, you may be going through a divorce or just recently divorced. Allow your heart to heal. This was the most important step for me during the divorce process and once I allowed myself to figure out what I truly wanted, it was then I met my partner. This took years before it happened, but everyone is different. Just remember to put yourself first during the process.
It's important to note that the journey after divorce is unique for each person, and while these reasons highlight potential positive aspects, the experience can be complex and challenging. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can be valuable during this transitional period. Remember, you are not alone and lean on those who care about you and want to be there for you during this time.
